My Avatar, My Self and the Rhythm of Days

Lately I seem to be doing a lot of photos like this…

Apparently I am craving quiet and peace. Maybe it has something to do with my hectic life.  It’s been awhile since I have written a blog post, mostly because..well…life.

The rhythmCan't talk, must coffee_001 of my days is a crazy busy-ness combined with longing for connection. There is a strange sort of synchronicity between my two worlds.  Some days I will log in when I start work in my studio at home in Real Life(RL). I get dressed in Second Life (SL) and sit in the kitchen, drinking coffee while I sort things out. Coffee seems to be a theme in both my lives. I check out group notices, social media, see if any of my favourite people have put out a new YouTube video or blog post.

Listening to Harry Frychester at Nat's Jazz Club_001

If I have a lot to do that day in my RL studio, I will either park myself in my SL studio and listen to the music stream or I will attend a live music event (always jazz at one of the Jazz joints around) and support the musicians who play. I will listen to their chatter and the music while I work.  Sometimes I chime in on a group chat if I need a brain break from what I am doing.

If I am lucky enough to have a quiet day in RL, I will venture out into the SL world. I love these days. I will attend one of the many charity events happening or visit the art galleries and check out what is on or immerse myself in an installation. I will also visit scenic sims, I will pull open my destination guide and randomly pick something or go to places I have bookmarked.

For me, there is not a lot of separation between my avatar and myself.  My personality doesn’t change between one reality and another.  I have the same over exuberance when I meet people, the need to question everything and dig out the stories that make people who they are. The beautiful and the tragic and the humour and the joy in people attract me like a moth to the flame and I can’t ask enough questions to satisfy my gluttonous urge to understand identity and realities. Each story given and each question answered is a gift.

My bad days reveal themselves with equal clarity. Days in which my social anxiety kicks in and is a damn curse to me, everything seems askew and I am so fraught with social contact that I am either paralysed and can’t talk at all or I overreact to…well…everything. The words that tumble  over themselves in a chaotically ridiculous stream, or that are completely silenced with an over abundance of paranoia and stress and a deep seated panic that anything I say will be unequivocally the wrong thing.

recreate10-social-anxiety-14022017_001

My physical appearances are quite different but the things that make me, ME are there. The tattoos and the blue hair and the glasses, for instance, all me. Small things about them change, the design and placement of tattoos, the length and style of my hair, the shape of my glasses, but they are still pieces of reality I have brought into my Virtuality. I wonder at the things we choose to keep, that which we identify as being US in particular and those that we choose to leave behind. For some people there is a complete transition, and quite often I have wanted to walk through the world as something other than this person I present as. It just never quite sits right with me, as if shedding my skin and my identity and wandering too far from the essence of who I am is TOO much change.

Hmmm… <sighs and looks out both my Second Life and Real Life window at the garden beyond> So dear reader…such are the meanderings and the thoughts and the rhythm of my days. The ramblings are just an added bonus…

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