I listened to those words come out of a close friend’s mouth. It was said with a sneer and not long after she had read a recent blog post of mine back to me in a tone that conveyed ridicule and contempt. I don’t think I have ever claimed to be a “writer” but this sentence really kind of struck me to the core and I’ve been ruminating over it ever since. I write every day, just as I practice my visual arts everyday. Sometimes it works…sometimes it doesn’t. For awhile, those words stopped me from writing because what was the use of writing if it wasn’t good enough?
But why did those words affect me so? I usually just write with the expectation that no-one is reading. I’m just putting my thoughts and words out there and chronicling my journey. I am of the belief though, that if criticism hurts it is usually because you think there is truth in the criticism. So , I guess the truth is that I DO believe it. I am NOT a writer. Good, bad or otherwise.
I am having the same trouble writing my exegesis draft. I have a fear that it won’t be good enough or succinct enough. I am scared that I won’t be able to put in words that totality of the experiences I have had in the world of Second Life and in turn do a great injustice to the people of the world. I am afraid that I am not a writer and so anything I write about this topic will come out wrong and people will, like my friend, sneer and ridicule. I will fail. The world will break. I will prove myself a fraud and the people who love me will stop because I could not find the right words this time.
But that is not true is it? Even if I fail…the world will not break, it will just keep turning. The people who love me will continue to love me because they have already heard the words and they know that those words are only just a few in the very many that make my story.
And so…even if I am not a writer….the use of writing is in being able to express myself. Its using the words that are inside me, forcing them into coherence and reaching out to other people…to explain the thoughts and perspectives in my head. It is the same reason I chose to study and practice art.
I HAVE to.
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